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Where would you suggest I pick up with her next time we see each other? I am thinking I need to get a positive reaction again and escalate it very quickly afterwards. I don't want the window of opportunity to close on me, but at the same time, it feels somewhat delicate as she lives right across the hall - the whole you don't shit where you eat thing comes to mind.

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***QUESTION FROM A WOMAN***

Hey There,

Ok So I am a butch lesbian who has recently subscribed to your mailbag. Ok I am totally fascinated by you and what u have to say. I am planning on getting your book next week actually. I have used your tips about getting the phone numbers by asking the girl if they have email. Ok that works like a charm, i haven't yet not got a phone number. So Just to let you know, you advice works for butch lesbians too! ok but here is my prob. I met this girl and i got her email addy, phone number and s/n. Well I didn't want to be like everyone else and call her so i sent her an instant message. Well finally she wanted to call me. My response was I hope your not a stalker, trying to be funny and cute. Well she called and we talked forever, i couldn't get the girl off the phone. Now she calls me like 5 times a day. She really likes me, she has admitted it and she broke up with her g/f so she could see where things go with me. I like her a lot and i want to see where things go, but her ex is a threat to me and her ex might want her back. I've also made the mistake of telling her i like her, so i'm thinking she may become "in control." My question is what do I do next? Meaning how do i get that control back, do i continue acting like i want her, or should i talk about other girls? Also what about the ex? do i make it a threat or what. Also she is jealous b/c her best friend also likes me. Anyways, Any advice u may have for me, i would appreciate it.

Much Appreciation CNS Georgia

» MY COMMENTS:

This is great.

You know, if I PAID people to write this stuff it couldn't possibly be this good.

I have this secret lesbian fan base that only breaks the silence occasionally when the situation get's really critical. Love it.

OK, here are a couple of thoughts:

1) If she has an ex who's in the picture, keep your distance and make her pursue you.

I have PERSONALLY made the mistake of acting CLINGY when an ex turns up in the picture and tries to get a woman back.

It's generally not a good idea.

The best thing you can do is what you're already doing... tease her and let her pursue YOU.

If she's busy pursuing you, she'll be thinking about you, wondering what you're doing, wondering why you're so busy, etc. and won't have the attention for the ex.

On the other hand, if you start pursuing HER, then she'll have to "decide between which one she wants".

Not a good position to put yourself in. And it's MUCH less interesting for her as well.

2) If her friend also likes you, that can be a GOOD thing.

Jealousy is a very interesting emotion.

It's not something you want to use to manipulate another person, but if the situation creates it naturally, that's another thing entirely.

If you have someone who is interested in you, and that person knows that others are also interested, it only makes them like you more.

...You know, someday I'm going to have to do a Double Your Dating LESBIAN SUMMIT, so I can be stuck in some resort somewhere with 100 lesbian women who need dating advice.

I would have to say something male and insensitive like that, wouldn't I?

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